Just Maybe by Chidube Nkiruka, Listener Poet

Origin Story

He spoke to me of the health challenges of those he cared for deeply. He also mentioned that although he was no longer an agnostic, his faith had yet to give him a personal connection to God. Although spiritual meditation was done to no avail, he did find himself becoming more empathetic to those around him.

Yet he strongly resented being thought of as an “empath” because he didn’t see it as a gift, but as a burden. He wished he could stop and heal all those experiencing pain – human beings as well as nature. His empathy only reminded him that he was powerless to help those in pain. I titled his poem “Just Maybe.” In this poem I explore the other side of empathy as described by the poemee.

By Chidube Nkiruka, Listener Poet
CLP Practicum Poem
Summer 2024

Just Maybe

By Chidube Nkiruka, Listener Poet

Just Maybe
this isn't a superpower
It's the bewitching
hour
And I’m
super sour
about this osmosis
this flood of emotions
breaking and crashing
through my too thinned skin
I am reticent to admit
My request
embarrassing
to be less caring
aren't those that dawn the cape
deemed to be brave and
more daring
but my spidey senses
deceive me, lead me
on rescue attempts
that fail me miserably
I scapegoat my ego
Interrogate my psyche
"What's wrong with me?"
I guess every hero harnesses a weakness
maybe mine is this kind
of a codependent kindness
victims are my kryptonite
I confess tonight
I trespass emotional boundaries
but what's the point of empathy
if I can not save the people
that surround me
why be in synch with much
suffering
if I can not soothe such
suffering
if I can not hush
their suffering
please someone turn down
the volume
of their suffering
this dirge of torment is no anthem
for a superhero
I grin
because it feels like I'm in
a sick joke
a twisted version of Dr. Doolittle?
Is there any hope for this antihero?
one day, I am reposed in meditation
Disposed to focus on the Divine
in isolation
and now I can't stop the world’s
Playlist of pain
From looping in my thought rotation
Someone cancel
this 24-hour news cycle
of lamentations
maybe I just need a vacation
from this vocation of empathy
at least give me
a day off
better yet, a layoff
because what's the payoff
to internalize and identify
with the pain of those I love
and those I love
are still
no better off?
Is it too much to ask for?
To render real protection?
I just want to love everybody
Correction
everything
love every human being
every object
every pronoun
every subject
every social strata
every molecule
every atom
The reality
Even the shadow
maybe even love me
That’s a possibility?
interesting
I am not healed
But I can still love me?
But isn't that how God loves me?
in my woundedness
in my brokenness
in all of my mess
because maybe there is
a heartbreak
that shatters my selfishness
the agonizing ache
of their loneliness
For who wants a walking stick in their darkest hour?
So then maybe the greatest superpower
is not the presence of our
salvation
It is the salvation of our presence
A refusal to abandon creation
Tho we can not heal
the pain that produces the arthritic
inflammation
Of their souls
And maybe.
Oh it will
hurt a little
But if it didn't hurt a little ,
maybe it wouldn't be love
Maybe we can’t love
at distance
if we are going to love
with our presence
and maybe the reason
it hurts so much
is because
We are learning to love like God does.
And maybe we’re not
just learning to love
like God
maybe we’re just
becoming
like God
just maybe...

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