Just Maybe

*“Just Maybe,” a poem excerpt by Chidube Nkiruka*

Origin Story

He spoke to me of the health challenges of those he cared for deeply. He also mentioned that although he was no longer an agnostic, his faith had yet to give him a personal connection to God. Although spiritual meditation was done to no avail, he did find himself becoming more empathetic to those around him.

Yet he strongly resented being thought of as an “empath” because he didn’t see it as a gift, but as a burden. He wished he could stop and heal all those experiencing pain – human beings as well as nature. His empathy only reminded him that he was powerless to help those in pain. I titled his poem “Just Maybe.” In this poem I explore the other side of empathy as described by the poemee.

By Chidube Nkiruka, Listener Poet
CLP Practicum Poem
Summer 2024

By Chidube Nkiruka, Listener Poet

Just Maybe

this isn't a superpower

It's the bewitching

hour

And I’m

super sour

about this osmosis

this flood of emotions

breaking and crashing

through my too thinned skin

I am reticent to admit

My request

embarrassing

to be less caring

aren't those that dawn the cape

deemed to be brave and

more daring

but my spidey senses

deceive me, lead me

on rescue attempts

that fail me miserably

I scapegoat my ego

Interrogate my psyche

"What's wrong with me?"

I guess every hero harnesses a weakness

maybe mine is this kind

of a codependent kindness

victims are my kryptonite

I confess tonight

I trespass emotional boundaries

but what's the point of empathy

if I can not save the people

that surround me

why be in synch with much

suffering

if I can not soothe such

suffering

if I can not hush

their suffering

please someone turn down

the volume

of their suffering

this dirge of torment is no anthem

for a superhero

I grin

because it feels like I'm in

a sick joke

a twisted version of Dr. Doolittle?

Is there any hope for this antihero?

one day, I am reposed in meditation

Disposed to focus on the Divine

in isolation

and now I can't stop the world’s

Playlist of pain

From looping in my thought rotation

Someone cancel

this 24-hour news cycle

of lamentations

maybe I just need a vacation

from this vocation of empathy

at least give me

a day off

better yet, a layoff

because what's the payoff

to internalize and identify

with the pain of those I love

and those I love

are still

no better off?

Is it too much to ask for?

To render real protection?

I just want to love everybody

Correction

everything

love every human being

every object

every pronoun

every subject

every social strata

every molecule

every atom

The reality

Even the shadow

maybe even love me

That’s a possibility?

interesting

I am not healed

But I can still love me?

But isn't that how God loves me?

in my woundedness

in my brokenness

in all of my mess

because maybe there is

a heartbreak

that shatters my selfishness

the agonizing ache

of their loneliness

For who wants a walking stick in their darkest hour?

So then maybe the greatest superpower

is not the presence of our

salvation

It is the salvation of our presence

A refusal to abandon creation

Tho we can not heal

the pain that produces the arthritic

inflammation

Of their souls

And maybe.

Oh it will

hurt a little

But if it didn't hurt a little ,

maybe it wouldn't be love

Maybe we can’t love

at distance

if we are going to love

with our presence

and maybe the reason

it hurts so much

is because

We are learning to love like God does.

And maybe we’re not

just learning to love

like God

maybe we’re just

becoming

like God

just maybe...

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